Lausanne, Switzerland, April 1, 2005 -- Dietrich Wienerschnitzel,
spokesman for the FIS (Fiction In Skiing), announced today the grand
prize for the 2004-2005 FIBS (Fabricated Internet Bull Stories) award
has been awarded to the Michigan Cup/NordicSkiRacer.com website.
Wienerschnitzel said in a prepared statement that the award will be presented to the recipients at the NordicSkiRacer Team house in Frederick, MI, on April 15, 2005 by Governor Jennifer Granholm and First Gentleman, What the Hell's his name. The entourage will be flown to the Camp Grayling air base by the Ohio Nordic Team jet. The awards ceremony will be a black lycra affair. The festivities will commence with a cocktail hour featuring the two favorite MI Cup gliders -- Blue (LaBatt's) and Red (Bass Ale). Both have been known to glide down really well after a race. A candlelight dinner will follow featuring: B-B-Q'd chicken, hot dogs and beans, chili and veggie sticks.
Governor Granholm will present the FIS awards t NordicSkiRacer.com for their article, "Team NordicSkiRacer" Announces Team House Plans;" "Ohio Nordic Accepts Advertising on Team Jet," by Tom Cook; and "EMAG Buys Telemark Resort," by Jamie Mannion of EMAG (Early Morning Anaerobic Group);
and, two very special FIBS awards for:
1) FIBS (Fake Interpeninsular Bridge Skiing) to Dennis Paull for his "Ski Race Over Mackinaw Bridge" article,
2) FIBS (Fantasies in Bitch Slaps) to Aaron Tarnow for his "Mike Muha Saved Me From a Mountain Lion" article.
Guest speakers at the awards presentation will be Dick Poundoff, president of WADA (Weirdos Against Destroying Animals). Poundoff will spew forth on the vicious black squirrel population at Boyne Highlands. Dr. Daniel N. Rogers of the DNR (Doing Northing Right) will give an overview of the non-existent mountain lion population in the lower and yooper peninsulas.
Each recipient will receive a gold, engraved watch, which glows 24/7. The reason for this is that encased in each watch's crystal is an urine sample from the Lahti Six and SoHo Trio.
Advanced ticket sales will be available via wbay.com and TixMaster (1-800-ISKISLO). Tickets will also be available at the door on April 15. Please arrive early so that NordicSkiRacer.com can get their income tax write-off on the house filed prior to midnight.